Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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