Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When are your genitals available?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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