idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
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