So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
