I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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