you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
