Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
