and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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