I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
