i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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