Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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