I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
