I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
