I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
