So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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