If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
