i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
