I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
