Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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