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The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
