I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
