And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
