Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
