I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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