How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
