i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
