do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
