Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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