Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
