He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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