I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
