I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
