i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
