remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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