i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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