the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Holy shit dude........stairs
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