How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize