??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Randomize
