you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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