But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
