sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
