So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
