you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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