Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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