I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
