shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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