I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
