So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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