I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
