Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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