you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
