This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
