Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
