this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
