Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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