you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
