I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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