Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
