Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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