I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
