fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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