i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I came so hard my ears popped.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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