Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
