I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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