Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
