you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
