After last night, I could never be a politician.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This baby is an asshole
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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