If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
