Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
