I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
