i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize