my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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