no, he came in my armpit
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
