Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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