At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
