You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
