Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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