I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Randomize
