Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she peed on how many people?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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