please come you make the beer taste better
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
