hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
