and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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