Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
they need to just BURY HIM!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
