I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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