girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize