I looked at my own cervix.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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